I've Been Humbled by Hot Yoga, but I'm Not Mad About It
When I think about my life pre-pandemic, well not my whole existence, just the months prior to the outbreak, it almost feels as if those months were from a different lifetime. It’s as if I were a “Once Upon a Time” character and I have vague memories of my life pre-curse. I moved to a new state, lived in the heart of a bustling city and had this sort of coming-of-age television series lifestyle. Now, I’m in a small town in my home state, living on acreage with a lifestyle that consists of hiking and textbook reading. (Yay for graduate school!)
I have truly grown within the last six months (has it really been that long?) and the goodness of God has shown itself in every aspect of my life. I can not express how blessed I truly am. I have been so incredibly fortunate for the opportunity to return to school and spend time in growing my faith. I have climbed mountains (metaphorically and literally) that I didn’t know I needed to overcome and my life is so much richer because of it. I have been radiating gratitude, praising the Lord for this season I’m in, but I didn’t really see myself as a different person until I returned to hot yoga.
You either love it or you hate it, and I love you no matter what your opinion is on the workout. I’ve always dabbled in yoga, but I dove into hot yoga earlier this year when I moved to California. I remember the first time I attended, the instructor said to me very kindly, “You will probably struggle with your first class. Everyone does. Give yourself some grace and enjoy the moment.”
As I chanted to myself, “Please don’t pass out. PLEASE don’t pass out,” throughout my whole class, I was beyond surprised when the instructor called for us to enter our final resting poses. I survived my first ever hot yoga class without even needed to catch my breath and fall into childs pose. I felt beyond powerful.
Naturally, now that studios have begun to open up nearby my house, I decided to pull my yoga mat out of the box and strut on down to a new studio to find that power again. I didn’t even bat an eyelash signing up for my first class, choosing to do a more standard class for my first time back, compared to anything with key words like “high energy” or “weights will be used!!”
After fifteen minutes into my first class, I was exhausted.
I remember staring up at the ceiling while we were doing a pose my body forgot how to do and thinking “I can’t believe how hard this is.” Once I got into the swing of things again, I completed the class with a chip on my shoulder and of course, signed up for the advanced class the next day. I did it before, why can’t I do it again?
Well, I almost died.
Okay, that’s very dramatic. I didn’t almost die.
I did however have to fall into child pose in the middle of the class to catch my breath. As I laid with my forehead pressed against the mat while everyone else was doing sumo-squats, I felt a weight of disappointment push me further to the ground. I could not believe that I couldn’t complete this whole class swiftly and confidently. I didn’t want to even look at myself in the mirror anymore because I didn’t like the weakness I saw. Who was this girl I see, staring straight back at me (Mulan reference) and why couldn’t she pull herself together to finish this dang advanced hot yoga class?!
Before I could really make myself feel worse, the words of the first hot yoga instructor I ever had echoed into my head, “Give yourself some grace and enjoy the moment.”
Truthfully, friends, we all need to give ourselves a little more grace.
Our lives have shifted into a new normal and we are different people because of it, but we are in control of if we choose to miss the old or embrace the new. You are in control of your outlook on life and how you are choosing to spend each day of it. It’s so easy to be hard on ourselves for not recognizing the person we see in the mirror because let me tell you friends, in that yoga class I was not a pretty picture. My hair was frizzy, my face was red and I really looked rough, but the ugliest thing about myself was the fact I chose to dwell on that moment as weakness instead of strength.
There was strength in showing up to the class, even though I hadn’t been to a hot yoga class in 6+ months.
There was strength in taking a moment to rest my body, even though my pride didn’t want me to.
There was strength in picking myself off my (also sweaty) mat and continuing the class.
It’s so easy to be hard on ourselves right now. It’s easy to miss the old versions ourselves.
The biggest strength we have is using this season of life to give yourself grace and enjoy the moment. I promise you, there is so much goodness in this world, even if it feels like it’s hard to see.
You’ve grown. You’ve changed. And that’s pretty dang awesome.
You’re loved. You’re powerful.
Sending you a virtual hug (don’t worry, I’ve showered since hot yoga!!)
